Love Me When I'm Gone
by Iruka-Yuywell
Summary: "I don't deserve you!" 1x2 songfic, Yaoi, attempted suicide


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or 3 Doors Down or their music. I'm just a poor college student living off coffee pot Raman and chocolate.  
  
Warning: Yaoi, Angst, Attempted Suicide  
  
~Lyrics~  
  
Love Me When I'm Gone  
  
By: Iruka Yuywell  
  
~ There's another world inside of me  
  
That you may never see~  
  
Heero awoke in a cold sweat. His dreams haunted again by all that had been done to him growing up. Running his hands through his sweat soaked bangs; he looked to make sure he had not disturbed the braided cherub beside him.  
  
~There's secrets in this life  
  
That I can't hide~  
  
Mustering all his stealth, Heero slipped out of bed and padded to the bathroom. After closing the door he flipped on the lights. He hissed in pain as the garish glare struck his eyes. A moment of blinking and he caught his own reflection in the mirror, but the face staring back at him didn't seem real.  
  
~Somewhere in this darkness  
  
There's a light that I can't find  
  
Maybe it's to far away (yeah)  
  
Or maybe I'm just blind  
  
Or maybe I'm just blind~  
  
He's never noticed the dark rings under his eyes. Or the way his hair seemed to lay lifelessly about his head. "What did everyone see in me? I didn't even deserve to be called human. Why should anyone care for me?!"  
  
~So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone~  
  
Opening the door a crack, Heero looked out at his sleeping koi. "I don't deserve him. I'm just holding him back. He has to give so much for me. I don't deserve this. He'd be so much better off with out me around."  
  
~Everything I am  
  
And everything you need  
  
Wants to be the one  
  
You wanted me to be~  
  
"I've tried so hard my love. But I'm just pulling you down. I'm tired. Forgive me."  
  
~I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
And give up everything  
  
If only for your good~  
  
Heero opened all the cabinets in their bathroom looking for something, anything to set himself and his lover free. Two more bathrooms and the kitchen later, he'd found three expired prescriptions, two unopened bottles of aspirin, a full bottle of vodka, and a new razorblade.  
  
~So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
And hold me when I'm scared  
  
You wont always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone  
  
Love me when I'm gone~  
  
Heero opened the bottle and began pushing fistfuls of mixed pills into his mouth, washing each down with the burning liquid. A tear escaped his eye. Whether it was from the vodka or sorrow, he was unsure.  
  
~When your education x-ray  
  
Can not see under my skin  
  
I wont tell you a damn thing  
  
That I could not tell my friends~  
  
Duo sat straight up in bed. Something was wrong. He could just feel it. "But what .?" and then he noticed that Heero was not in bed. Looking around he saw the light coming from under the bathroom door. Duo tried to dismiss his fears. "Must be taking a leak." But he just knew something was wrong.  
  
~Though roaming through this darkness  
  
I'm alive but I'm alone  
  
And part of me is fighting this  
  
But part of me is gone~  
  
Duo got up and knocked on the door. "Are you ok in there Hee-chan?" Waiting a moment, he knocked again. A pinch of panic entered his voice. "Come on koi. Tell me you're all right!" When he got no response, Duo opened the door.  
  
~So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone~  
  
Heero sat in the middle of the floor. The vodka bottle, now half empty, sat to one side and the five pill bottles lay spilled on the other. Heero had the razorblade poised over the vain in his left arm, ready to draw it down.  
  
~Everything I am  
  
And everything you need  
  
Wants to be the one  
  
You wanted me to be~  
  
Duo rushed forward and knocked the blade clattering to the floor. "What the Hell? Heero? What's wrong? Why?"  
  
~I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
And give up everything  
  
If only for your good~  
  
Heero looked back at Duo with hollow eyes. His voice came out small and breathless. "I don't deserve you. Let me go now Duo. I've got to set you free of my taint."  
  
~So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
And hold me when I'm scared  
  
You wont always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone~  
  
Duo drew Heero into his arms. "That's a bunch of nonsense love. You're no more tainted than I am. That's all in the past. I thought we agreed we were going to put all that behind us and start new. Just you and me." Duo pushed back and looked Heero straight in the eyes. Through tears they radiated a love purer than Heero could have ever imagined.  
  
~....Or maybe I'm just blind~  
  
Realization hit Heero like a ton of bricks. "I.Duo.I'm sorry! I lost myself for a moment. Can you forgive me?"  
  
~So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone~  
  
Duo pulled Heero back to his heart. "S'ok. You made it. Your still here and I'm still here and we're gonna be ok. Ok?"  
  
~Everything I am  
  
And everything you need  
  
Wants to be the one  
  
You wanted me to be~  
  
Heero gave a genuine smile. "Ok." Duo got up and extended his hand to help Heero up off the floor. He took the offered hand and was gentle pulled to his feet, but didn't remain there.  
  
~I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
And give up everything  
  
If only for your good~  
  
Dizziness over took Heero and he fell back to the floor. As he fell one hand fell amongst the pills and the other overturned the vodka. Duo cradled Heero's head in his arms. "Shit! You already took this stuff didn't you?" But he was already unconscious.  
  
~So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
And hold me when I'm scared  
  
You wont always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone  
  
Love me when I'm gone~  
  
Quatre looked into Heero's hospital room and shook his head. "It's been a week Trowa. Duo hasn't left his side for even a moment. I'm getting worried. What if Heero never wakes up? I don't know if Duo could handle it." Trowa just hugged his koi and tried to silently comfort him.  
  
~whoa-oh oh  
  
Love me when I'm gone  
  
When I'm gone  
  
When I'm gone  
  
When I'm gone~  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~*  
  
A.N: *Looks at muses* Ok where did that come from? 


End file.
